Cult Within the Corps
by JustaBunchaHOOPLA
Summary: Will and Gilan start a cult...who else would? Includes Coffee Lord and Queen Decaf
1. Intro

**Yay! New story! I promise I **_**will **_**finish Mentally Lost, I realize I haven't updated that in a while… **

Cult within the Corps: Introduction

So, if you've read my other story Spring Fever (or at least the third chapter) you must know the coffee lord! And if you haven't (shame on you for not reading it ) I will introduce you to him and his rather small group of worshippers!

Halt- the ultimate coffee lord!

Will- technically the founder, he made the song up

Gilan- who caused the situation where Will made up the song

There you go! Now that you've met them, we can move on!

The song (courtesy of Will):

We praise the coffee lord!

The coffee lord, the coffee lord.

We praise the coffee lord,

Who drinks coffee all day long!

Yeah!"

The chant:

"_We bow in front of you,_

_We praise you,_

_We worship you,_

_As you are the Ultimate Coffee Lord."_

Moving on… to the story! See you next chapter!


	2. She Needs a Name

**I hate rain. Why did have to be so beautiful out during the week when I was trapped in school and now that I have time to go out and enjoy it, it rains! Grrrr, that's probably why I am writing fanfictions. But it **_**is **_**11:30 at night. Oh well.**

Chapter 1: She Needs a Name

"Why does it have to rain today of all days!" Halt sighed, looking out the window. "Why couldn't it have been another day when there _weren't _crazed nincompoops following me around like a religious cult of some kind!" As you can see, Halt wasn't having a very good start-of-the-day. Gilan was still there for no apparent reason, and the Gathering was coming soon. And, on top of that, he was still considered some god or lord and whatnot. _I'm gonna have to tell this to Crowley at the Gathering, _he thought.

"_The coffee lord. The coffee lord. Oh, how we praise the coffee lord. The ultimate coffee lord. We bow in front of you. We praise you. We worship you. You are the coffee lord." _chanted Gilan and Will in a low monotone. Halt sighed; this had been going on all morning. All he wanted was five minutes of peace, quiet, and a nice cup of coffee. Too bad he didn't realize it made them chant all the more.

"The coffee lord! The coffee lord! Now he's making coffee! Yeah! Go, coffee lord!" Gil sang/chanted, sounding rather like a hyped up cheerleader. Well, more peppy and perky than a cheerleader. It was starting to creep Halt and Will out.

"Um, Gil, what exactly are you doing?" Will asked with worried look. He still was majorly worried about the inner working of his mind. And since what's on the inside that counts (not the outside) that made it worse.

"Reminds me of an overexcited chipmunk." Halt stated, shrugging. Going back to glaring at the water, he tuned them back out. Over the years, he had become quite proficient at it. It really was a handy thing to know. For the rest of the day, they quoted him, chanted to him, and, annoyingly enough, sang about him. _At least it's not Graybeard Halt, _he remarked.

Later…  
><strong>(awww, my mouse just died…at least I can type…but the batteries are so for away!)<strong>  
>"So, let me get this straight. You and Gilan started a 'cult' as Halt so kindly puts it for the coffee lord, who is Halt." Alyss Mainwaring strode beside Will to the cabin.<p>

"Yes," Will confirmed nonchalantly. Alyss merely nodded slowly once and sighed. Sometimes Will could be very—let's say—_interesting_ at times. Sometimes she worried about him and how much time he spent with Gilan, just like Will sometimes worried about Gilan's inner mind.  
><strong>(Aaaannnd, we're back! I got a new battery!)<strong>

"So, wouldn't protocol suggest that Pauline plays a part in this?" Alyss inquired innocently.

"What is this protocol you speak of?" Will answered in reply. Alyss sighed. Sometimes Rangers could be so difficult.

"Well," she started explaining slowly. "Since Halt is the Coffee Lord and Pauline is his wife, wouldn't she be the lady?"

"Isn't Pauline already Lady Pauline?"

"No, I mean like a silly name you made up for Halt. After all, they do need to match, right?"

"It's not a silly name!" he protested hotly. "He should be very honored me and Gil were kind enough to give him that title." Alyss sighed heavily. She realized she should have never brought up the subject in the first place.

Even later…

"I've got it!" Will exclaimed after some heavy thinking, brainstorming, and a rather large pot of coffee. He had proudly explained the whole situation to Gil, and they had agreed to give Pauline an honorable title just like Halt's. Looking down at the piece of parchment with lots of scrbbles and things scratched out, he smiled deviously and said, "Queen Decaf." And that was that, they both knew it was perfect.

**Thanks you Bralt for the idea of Queen Decaf…that's all I have to say…and don't forget to review! :) See ya next chapter!**


	3. But does she like the name?

**Welcome! Welcome all! And I mean it! The more people, the higher that chance I get a review!**

Chapter 2: But Does She Like the Name?

"What do you want _now_?" Halt thundered, storming past the two younger Rangers, who had bright, innocent looks on their faces.

"Why, nothing Halt." Will answered, seemingly appalled that he would ask such a question. Halt had come back from visiting Pauline, and now had to deal with _them_. He really wished Pauline didn't need to go away on some mission something-or-other right at the moment. At least, he would have been paying attention if not for the decaf coffee she had so graciously served. No indeed, it was not one of his better days.

"Why would you ever think that?" Gil said dreamily, and Will wondered if he had gotten back from the girly dreamland he was currently stuck in. _He seems slightly woozy…_Will thought to himself.

"Well, we're off to see the wizard! _The wonderful wizard of Oz…_" Gilan sang with a happy shrug, leaving one very confused Will in his wake. Shaking his head, Mr. Vertically Challenged followed behind. But he didn't skip. Manly Rangers don't skip.

"Well, see ya then," Will called over his shoulder. "We have to consult Pauline about something!" Halt decided with his better judgment not to tell him that she wasn't there. Sighing, he hoped that those birdbrain buffoons died on the way there. Happy thought, if you think about it.

_At the castle…_

"I'm mad," Gilan grumped.

"Why? It's not because you can't see you forehead again, is it?" Will said, one eyebrow raised.

"No."

"No what?"

"That's not what I'm mad about."

"Oh. Well, spit it out!"

"It's because..."

"Because what?"

"Because…"

"SPIT IT OUT ALREADY!"

"It's because my boots got mud on the bottom."

(-_-) is basically what I can say to explain his expression. Will should be put in a manga…lol.

Stalking past the grumpy Gilan, he pushed his way through to the entrance and stomped inside. And up the stairs, and across the hallway to Pauline's room. The door was ever-so-slightly ajar, but not noticeably, so only the most observant would notice. _Smart, probably so Halt can get in and get coffee when she wasn't there. _And you don't want to find out what will happen if Halt doesn't get his coffee…

Almost bursting at the seams to tell Pauline the 'great' news, he didn't even mind that Gil wasn't there. Once inside, he turned the corner to the kitchen. The moment she found out was considered to be epic, as Gilan put it. (but he wasn't making much sense lately)

_To be continued in chapter 3…_

**I suck at cliffhangers…but if you review, you might get a review in return! Or at least a PM… :)**


	4. She's not here?

**Lucky you, seems that at least two people want me to update this. So, you guessed it, here I am. This is dedicated to rabbitlavell and Bralt, because they were basically begging me. I'm having so much fun making Will and Gilan all OOC.**

Chapter 3: She's not there?

Peeking around the corner, hoping for some coffee, Will bounded into the kitchen like a little puppy. Twirling around curiously, he looked for the tall courier. _Hehe, my cloak is swishy, _Will thought, then twirled around some more. After this rather long display of giggling and twirling around that kitchen - and almost breaking the coffee pot that was innocently sitting on the stove - Will decided he would get down to business. But first, he had to find Pauline…

_Meanwhile…_

Gilan of Whitby (or Meric, I forget) fief turned the corner, pounded up the stairs, and stomped all the way to Pauline's room. Servants and stuffy nobles made way for him, as mad Rangers are not the best kind of Rangers. Even if they are super cute…but still. It was quite a sight, really, since Gil had an almost comical but serious but mad but angry expression on his face. Never mind that he still had mud on the bottom of his boots…

Crashing through the door, which was still slightly ajar, he rounded the corner ferociously and halted to a stop. And guess what happened?

Imagine this in slow motion…and with tragic violin music in the background

_The coffee pot flew off the stove._

_Will dived into a crash in his sad attempt to catch it._

_Gil, realizing what had happened, dove on top of Will in his sad attempt to catch it. _

_The coffee pot, still falling out of reach, came crashing to the floor in a sprinkle of broken glass._

_It was dead before the last pieces of glass skidded to a stop._

And they cried. Cried for the lost money even though they didn't pay for it. Cried for the coffee that would never be made in that pot. Cried for the labor that they would have to put into cleaning up the pot's corpse. But, most of all, they cried for themselves, knowing that they would have to go all the way back to Halt's cabin to get coffee. It was a pitiful sight, two Rangers heaped on top of each other crying for a dead coffee pot, and all that the pot could not do.

Please cry with us, and hope this pot goes to heaven.

***sniff, sniff* That was so beautiful… *bawls eyes out* Remember to review!**


	5. Pauline has to Buy Another Coffee Pot

**Thanks to everyone how has reviewed so far :) And to those of you who want to, but are too lazy, you really should review**

Chapter 4: Pauline Has to Order Another Coffee Pot

A squeak. A creak. A step.

Pauline warily glanced around; things seemed off in her apartment. Maybe it was Halt, hiding in the corner. Maybe it would be a murderer, ready to jump out and slice her head off with an ax. Maybe it was another Christmas tree in the corner put up by Gilan in the middle of the summer. Or maybe, just maybe, it was that 'sorry' cake lying on the kitchen table. _That was it!_ It had to be. No ax murderer, no Halt hiding in the shadows, and no Christmas tree. But it was a nice Christmas tree…

She walked into the kitchen.

…

A shove. A grumble. A curse.

Halt was not very happy that he had to pack for the Gathering. 1) He was obviously in a worse mood than usual. 2) He realized he would have to deal with Gil and Will. 3) He wasn't actually in Redmont when Pauline came back from her trip. Oh well, he would just send a letter.

It was equivalent in his eyes.

…

A sigh. A glance. A huff.

Alyss knew Will would be gone, but why _oh why _did it have to be today of _all days_? But now was not the time to break down and cry. Reality is not like her mind, where everything is prefect and smart and beautiful and, most of all, Will was there! Never on a mission, or going to a Gathering, or something equally ridiculous.

She cried hysterically anyway.

…

Yes, Pauline walked into her kitchen. But this is no ordinary kitchen! No, indeed! It had a stove, with a special place for brewing coffee and a deluxe coffee pot. Extra durable for years of constant use, this coffee pot is of extreme value among the Ranger Corps. Send in your order in now, and we'll give you one for free! A $200.99 value for only $199.99! BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! Buy _two _and get the third _free! _You can make three times the coffee, all at once! Great for parties with an extensive amount of Rangers.

This is an offer only seen from the Araluen international ad service, not in stores. $19.99 shipping and handling fees.

…

Pauline looked around, and realized the verbal ad was coming from outside her door. They must've known Halt lived there… She looked back at the 'Sorry' cake sitting innocently atop the table. It was screaming, "Eat me! Eat me!"

In pink frosting, it read:

We're sorry for breaking the coffee pot. Please don't make us sleep in a tree.

_So that's what was off…time to go chase the ad person down again. This time she would buy the 'buy two get one free package._

**Not as fun to write as my last chapter, but it will do :)** **The characters are supposed to be OOC, by the way**


	6. And Their Army Grows

Chapter…5, I believe: Their Army Grows

"I demand you stop this madness _RIGHT NOW!_" Halt pounded is fist on Crowley's makeshift table, scattering its contents every which way. Papers, a leftover muffin (courtesy of the kitchen from that morning before he had departed), and various crumbs from unidentifiable foods scattered, rolling under the tent flap door and flying into Halt's beard were amongst the many objects. Just then, Will and Gil walked in.

_A mug of coffee, cold and half empty._

_Flying off the table._

_Willers gasped._

_Gilan Davidson shrieked._

_Both dived to save it, before Halt saw this terrible tragedy._

_The Coffee Lord could not afford to see his precious drink wasted before his very eyes._

_They would be severely punished._

Will started hyperventilating as Gil nursed the mug back to warmth, his feeble breath onto the remnants of the coffee not changing a thing. Crowley raised an eyebrow in amusement, and Halt rolled his eyes.

"See what I mean?" Halt stalked out of the tent, not wanting to be in the presence of these disgusting worshippers of his. Immediately following the appearance of his left foot stepping between the canvas, cheers erupted from a few handfuls of Rangers lined up outside. To name a few, there was Phil (that nincompoop actually _had _graduated), Kevin, Nathan, Brady, and a few older faces who were always up for a good joke. Halt sighed; he knew Gil and Will were up to something displeasing when their coffee pots were still stowed safely in their saddle bags, along with their coffee beans. Halt had investigated, noting that the pots were padded with many layers of old rags and torn up pieces of cloth. He had a feeling it had to do with him. And that was never a good feeling when it came to his former apprentices.

He went over to where his things were set up, and even the bugs and many mosquitos stayed far away from him. They hovered back, watching him as if he was god and they were his worshippers, fearing him, even.

"I _told _you _everyone _and _everything _respects Halt the Coffee Lord!" Gilan hissed to Will as they crouched behind a bush, watching their beloved lord.

…

"We need a plan," Will stated. "We can't just stalk him all day long, we have to get to know him and befriend him!" It was an absurd thing to say, but not to those two.

"That is an extremely great idea!" Gilan exclaimed.

"_Shhh!" _Will hissed. "He might hear us!" Gil's eyes widened in terror.

"You're right!" he continued in a hushed whisper. "What are your ideas on this?"

"Well I'm thinking we could just try and act normal as if he _wasn't _an epic coffee lord and so he won't hate us _as much _and we'll find out more!" Will said in an identical hushed tone. Gil nodded along.

"We should do that." Will smiled at Gilan's agreement. They did their handshake, which was extremely long for some unexplained reason relating to the fact that they had both been Halt's apprentice, then stood up abruptly and shouted, "RANGERS UNITE!" they ran off in separate directions only to bump into each other on the opposite side of the bush. Halt rolled his eyes at them and continued to brew his coffee.

Plan Act Normal was in action.

…

Pauline was back at the castle. For once, she was not looking forward to her husband's return. She was awaiting the delivery of the three new coffee pots, and if Halt came back with no coffee pot to make coffee, that axe murderer in the corner would surely come out from the shadows in the corner and something bad was sure to happen… The door flew open and a sobbing, distressed Alyss ran in.

"What's wrong?" Pauline asked, putting a comforting arm around the blonde. All she got from the girl were incoherent sobs and wails. _Was this because Will was off to the Gathering? _Pauline wondered. That had to be it… The older courier continued to soothe Alyss, and eventually got up to make some tea.

**So I'm combining this story with my other one Mosquitos, I'm hoping to have the next chapters up tomorrow...**


End file.
